My Humanity

This pain, vividly fierce,
    Paints maroon over my days.
My limbs seize in every manner–
    Every person I’ve known, the puppetmaster,
My hands turned blue from the string.

    I relive those scenes–can’t escape it:
The days my humanity leaked through my eyes.
    In pitiful tears, when I watched you leave,
When my mother had screamed,
    When the phone was still ringing,
When you chased me out,
    And they laughed at my despair.

    I’ve played the role of every character,
In the comedies and tragedies:
    The scapegoat, the liar, the cheater–

I’m the master of the theater.
    I forgot how to play anything

But what you’ve cast me.
    I’ve lost the person once inside–
The actress of endless performances.
    The life I once held has dissipated.

I’m numb. There’s nothing.

    I see a girl standing, so pretty:
Pearly teeth, joyful grin,
    A perfect body, silken skin.
I could tear it off and wear it.
    Pluck out her iridescent eyes,
        And put them into mine.

    I can try and try to be just like her,
        To take on another character,
    To leave this weary one behind.

        But the skin will not fit, the eyes will resist.

And, finally, I’ll fall apart.

    The beat,

                Beat,

                        Beating of my heart,

                Slowing         and         dimming–

                                Until        the         curtain         falls.

                                          There                        will                         be

                                                            No                     encore,                 no                 bows.